Heavily Broken (Chapter Twenty)

[missmara]

Title: Heavily Broken (Chapter Twenty)
Author: Mara
Rating: R
Warnings: Sex, mentions of rape, violence. Language.
Summary: Ryan didn't call Sandy after Dawn kicked him out, but he still finds his way to the Cohen family.
Notes: I'm gonna look through the pics I have of Ben McKenzie and see about making a new icon for my HB updates... lol... I'm getting bored with this one... lol

Chapter Twenty



Many thanks to chrissydechagny for the most excellent banner!

Ryan woke up a little sore from sleeping on the couch, and sighed as he realized he'd already gotten spoiled sleeping in the soft and comfortable bed in the poolhouse. It used to be that he could sleep on the floor and be comfortable, but apparently not anymore, Trey would call him a wuss. He slowly sat up, and almost immediately Kirsten was coming to join him and handing him a mug of coffee. "Thanks," he said.

"How do you feel?" Kirsten asked, lightly brushing his hair back and kissing the top of his head.

"Okay, I guess," Ryan said, shrugging. "Yesterday sucked, but..."

"Don't say 'sucked'," Kirsten admonished lightly, sitting down beside him on the couch.

"Right, sorry," Ryan replied with a small smile, sitting back as he sipped the coffee.

"Sandy and I... we think maybe you should talk to a someone, a therapist, about everything. A lot has happened, and..."

"If that's what you want," Ryan whispered, nodding slowly.

"We want what's best for you," Kirsten said. "You know that, right?"

"Yeah," Ryan said, nodding again.

"If you don't want to..."

"I'll talk to someone," Ryan agreed. "I... I'm tired of being all..."

"Moody?"

"Theresa used to say I was kinda like the Mississippi. I was usually all deep and calm, but sometimes I'd overflow and then it was a huge disaster," Ryan explained. "I don't want to be a disaster anymore. I wanna be able to actually deal with life instead of running and locking myself in the bathroom and scrubbing until I bleed."

"It hasn't been that long yet, honey. Only not even 2 months," Kirsten said. "You're allowed to be a mess for a while."

"I know," Ryan said, knowing that he was allowed here, even if he wouldn't have been in Chino. "But I don't want to be one."

Kirsten nodded. "We'll find someone nice, someone you'll feel safe talking to."

"Okay," Ryan agreed.

~~~

"Go away," Summer mumbled as her bedroom door opened and someone came in. She was ignored though, and the bed dipped down beside her before a pair of arms wrapped around her.

"It'll be okay," Taylor said quietly.

"Go away," Summer repeated.

"Nope, friends don't let friends cry their eyes out alone," Taylot said. "And we're friends, right?"

"Yeah," Summer said, pulling away enough to roll over and look at Taylor. "Do you know..."

"Theresa told us," Taylor said. "Luke was trying to be tactful about it, and Theresa just blurted it out..."

"Do you think I'm a bitch for running away?" Summer asked.

Taylor sighed and sat up, folding her legs underneath her. "Not for running away..." she finally said, the tiniest of smalls on her face.

"Funny," Summer said, sitting up and wiping her eyes. "I just... hearing him say that... hearing him tell me what he did for money..."

Taylor frowned, but didn't interrupt, wanting to know what Summer was talking about.

"How could he get so desperate that he'd have sex with strange men for money?" Summer continued, oblivious to the horror stricken look on Taylor's face. "How could his supposed friends not help him when he needed them that much? How could that bitch Theresa act like his best friend, pretend to be his girlfriend, when she hadn't been willing to help him when he was alone and scared?"

"Summer..."

"And then one of those fucking assholes who were... were using him... one of them beat him and didn't use a condom... and he could get sick now..."

"But he's okay, the Cohens are taking care of him," Taylor said, trying to push her own feelings aside and focus on her devastated friend.

"How could I... I kissed him, Taylor. I just... I kissed him, and he pulled away, and he told me he had a girlfriend, and he wouldn't let me give him a ride home... I must have... I must have made him think about it, and..."

"Evne if you did, he's clearly not mad at you about it," Taylor said. "If he was, he wouldn't have called you when he freaked out last weekend."

"But... how could someone do that to him? He was... he was so creeped out by Holly groping at him, and I never... it must have made him think... and then I..."

"He's just freaking out," Taylor said.

"I ran away," Summer said. "I hurt him."

"He's still processing, and you haven't even begun to process," Taylor said. 'Trust me, I've seen enough shrinks to know about this."

"I can't see him," Summer said. "I can't. It's... I can't do it. I'll hurt him worse, I'll upset him more..."

"I can... I can tell him that, I can explain it," Taylor offered.

"Just... don't. Take care of him, but don't remind him of how horrible I am."

"You're not," Taylor said, leaning over to embrace Summer again. She'd finally found a group of friends she could trust, people who didn't judge her even if they did tease, and she was going to find a way to fix them all.

~~~

"This is all massively fucked up," Luke said as he walked into the poolhouse later that afternoon.

"Hello to you, too, Luke," Ryan replied, looking up from his sketchpad.

"We're still friends, no matter what other shit goes down," Luke continued. "I want you to know that."

"Okay..."

"But I get the feeling I don't know everything, because I don't see Summer running out like she did if you told her the same thing you told me."

Ryan sighed and closed the sketchpad. "There is more to it," he said. "I told you the most recent majorly screwed up event in my life. I left out how screwed up it was before that."

"Okay," Luke said, sitting down in the chair and leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "Lay it on me, man."

Ryan shifted so he was sitting on the edge of his bed and looked down at his hands as he spoke. "I told you that my ma kicked me out and none of my friends could be bothered to give me a place to crash," he began. "I left out that I was homeless for two weeks before I got desperate. I was so hungry, and it was so cold sleeping in an alley, or in a park, so... so when this guy pulled up in a fancy car and offered me 30 bucks for a blowjob..." He stopped when Luke inhaled sharply. "Yeah, Luke. I was a hustler for 6 months. I got paid to have sex with men. It paid my rent, and paid for food, and I was able to save some because I wanted out of that hell hole... you can't understand, Luke. You've never been literally starving to death, and I was. It makes me sick to think about it, but... I was desperate."

"So the guy who..."

"He would have been a customer, except he refused to wear a condom and beat the hell out of me so he could win the arguement. That's when he became a rapist."

"Fuck," Luke said. "Why... why didn't you... you told Summer all this?"

"Yeah," Ryan said. "No wonder she couldn't stand to look at me, huh?"

"Chino..."

"I'm not really in a mood for company, Luke," Ryan said.

"Tough, 'cause I'm not going anywhere," Luke said, sitting back in the chair and crossing his arms over his chest.

"You look like a five year-old who isn't getting his way," Ryan said.

"Hey, I'm at least 7," Luke replied.

Ryan snorted then gestured at the playstation. "If you can keep your mouth shut except for trash talk..." he said.

"Cool," Luke agreed, nodding. "But one last thing..."

Ryan groaned. "What?"

"If you need to talk, I'm here. And what I said before, about me having your back? It's still true."

"Thanks," Ryan said. "Now shut up and put in a game."

To Be Continued...